There once was a man who liked trout
That pirahnas were near he did doubt
But those mean little fish
Did indeed exist
From the river he never got out
There once was a man with a load
Across the highway he strode
It was late in the night
He too late saw the light
And now he's as flat as the road
There once was a pilot named Bud
He crashed when he misread his HUD
To make his life quickly pass
He ate broken glass
And found that it tasted like blood
There once was a hobo named Cain
He tried to hop on board a train
But the train went to fast
As it rolled right on past
And now on the tracks there's a stain
A patrol man once fired a round
The problem is there was no sound
So he looked down the hole
And then "BOOM" lost his soul
As his body did slump to the ground
There once was a good man named Pat
On the catwalk he ran with a bat
But he tripped on a pail
And fell off the rail
And met the ground with a great splat
There once was a Frenchman named Ned
Whose blood was extremely red
Once it was seen
When a guillotine
Cut off his aristocrat head
A man with fear ran with great stride
Seeking for some place to hide
But he was too slow
And was hit with a blow
Now he's victim of homocide
A ball shagger once was named Jane
She fetched golf balls all cross the plain
When she stepped from her cover
To speak to her lover
A golf ball got lodged in her brain
A worker held up an orange flag
A drunk man's reflexes did lag
Made a most wild swerve
As he rounded the curve
And crushed the man flat 'neath his Jag
There once was a blacksmith named Fred
He did metalwork in his shed
He started to sob
'Cause he hated his job
So he rammed a weapon through his head
There once was a blacksmith named Jin
He crafted iron swords for men
His hand he did smash
And now he is ash
For the furnace is what he fell in
Don't play by the lake, my dear Fred
That's what this boy's mother had said
But obey he did not
And so goes the plot
A gator then chomped off his head
A CTU team scanned the hall
For terrorists that they could maul
But too late found a door
Had been rigged with C4
And blew all of them threw the wall
A warrior fought with blades round
And killed all his foes with a pound
Then a catapult rock
Was launched from the sock
And smeared him all over the ground
There once was a convict named Beth
She OD'd both her kids on meth
Without a hitch
They pulled the switch
In the chair she experienced death
There once was a man named Zaw
He never would follow the law
When he chopped down a tree
A man he did see
And cut him in half with his saw
In the ring two warriors fought
To survive the fight they had been taught
An old man raised his arm
To keep them from harm
The old man now living is not
There once was a man full of strife
His shaking hand reached for his knife
He clenched his fist
And slit his wrist
And that was the end of his life
There once was a really weird guy
He though that his kid had to die
He grabbed a gun
And shot his son
But simply didn't know why
There once was a man named Stan
The ventilation duct he did scan
From his ladder he fell
And as if down a well
He tumbled 'till he hit the fan
This tale of the late king of Spain
Implies that he was insane
He leaped from a plane
Met the ground with great pain
And that was the end of his reign
There once was a man from France
His American name was Lance
A man with great skill
Came in for the kill
And hung poor Lance by his pants
A man once camped out in Lodeen
In some woods he though were serene
He woke with a scare
And found that a bear
Had ripped out his liver and spleen
There once was a young man from Laos
Who fell asleep cooking a mouse
He woke up too late
And found that his fate
Was to burn up along with his house
There once was a man named Rick
He stole Sam Fisher's lock pick
Sam chased him down
And without a sound
Impaled poor Rick with a stick
There once was a man filled with fear
He was being chased by his dear
She was very mad
He had killed her dad
She skewered his head with a spear
A man walked through a door
Another, with blades, wanted gore
To his surprise
Having drawn his knives
His limbs were attached no more
There once was a convict named Mel
Why he was in no one could tell
He wasn't that strong
And couldn't last long
So he hung himself there in his cell
There once was a soldier who stank
They wanted him to walk the plank
They thought it not right
For it was too polite
So they blew off his head with a tank
There once was a man named Morse
For the pony express ran his course
While turning around
He fell to the ground
And was trampled to death by his horse
There once was a rich man named Scott
He picked on the witches a lot
They could no longer cope
So they bound him in rope
And cooked him alive in a pot
There once was a teacher of math
He was known for incredible wrath
The problem not long
One still answered wrong
And with a ruler was sawed clean in half
There once was a German named Spade
He sought for some nice cool shade
He spotted a fan
Toward it he ran
But was mulched to bits by its blade
There once was a short guy named Mark
He vandalized signs in the park
He was seen by a cop
Who thought he needed to stop
Now Mark has a sign through his heart
There once was a man who was mean
He demanded to remain clean
He was pushed off a ladder
He burst his weak bladder
And died in a puddle of urine
A Counter-Strike player, a Moor
With his winnings bought an M4
He gunned down his foes
Piling bodies in rows
Until shot from behind through a door